so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
