about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
