we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
