i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize