You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
