Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
