I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
