plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
