All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
