wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
