I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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