I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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