I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
