Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
