I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize