He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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