Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
