I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
