Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
