Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love having hate sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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