My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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