Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
