Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
