She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
