I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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