I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She told me I should be a condom model.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
