i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize