Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
