He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
