..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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