I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize