So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
