Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
