The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
