Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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