White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
