just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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