Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
