apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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