I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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