I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Text me some of your sweat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
