dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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