Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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