just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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