you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
