Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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