Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
