It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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