Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You took a bar mat shot.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Panties = found
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
