Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
