I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
