I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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