Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize