New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
