I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
