What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
