You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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