omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
