would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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