I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize