Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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