does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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