Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
