I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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