No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
