You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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