I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
