so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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