if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
